Farming Funnies

My lacrosse team just got home from a game in Calgary.  It was an interesting game, to say the least.  It was a really back and forth game, but in the end we took the loss.  So I wanted to cheer up the ladies with a few jokes.  Conveniently I know a few funny jokes about cows, that should cheer them up!

When is a farmer like a magician?

When he turns his cow into pasture.

If anyone knows my younger sister and I, you will know that she is a blonde, I am a brunette, I feel as though this next one could be the story of our life :)

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly... com-for-da-bull."

Whenever I say I live on a farm, people always ask me if I go cow tipping.  My response "Do you really think a cow is just going to let you walk up to it, put both hands on it and try to "tip" it and not move?" or "Have you ever tried to tip a small car that was moving? Pretty much the same idea"

What do you call a cow with no front leg?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with no legs at all?

Ground beef

A farmer was milking his cow.

He was just starting to get a good rhythm going

when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head.

Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear.

The farmer didn't think much about it,

until the bug squirted out into his bucket.

It went in one ear and out the udder!

The man above ^ has a bunch of different videos all titled "The Laughing Cow - Milton Jones"

A farmer had been taken so many times by

the local car dealer that when the dealer wanted

to buy a cow, the farmer priced it to him like this:

Basic cow, $200; two-tone exterior, $45; extra

stomach $75; product storage compartment, $60;

dispensing device, four spigots at $10 each, $40;

genuine cowhide upholstery, $125; dual horns, $15;

automatic fly swatter, $35. Total = $595

(if only we could make deals like this in real life!)

Hope you liked!